by schoolcounselingbyheart | Sep 5, 2012 | abuse, classroom lessons, individual counseling, personal safety
In the days after a student discloses abuse, I always touch base to see how things are going. I tell them (again) how brave they were and how proud of them I am. Unfortunately, not all of these stories have happy endings, but in many cases, telling helps kids find safety, and they feel protected, empowered, and proud of themselves. Some of the most profoundly moving moments of my career as a school counselor have come when kids have told me about how telling made such a difference in how they are feeling about their situations and about themselves. Here is some of what they have told me (and how I plan to use their words to help other kids too): “I went from not feeling so brave to feeling REALLY brave!” “It was a little hard telling people but I think it was definitely a good thing that I did that because it was for my safety.” “Now I feel like I can stick up for myself.” “It’s hard to show how excited I am – telling worked!” “I’m so proud that I was so brave. It really helped because my dad was so proud of me and you are so proud of me.” “I’m so proud I want to jump up and down!” In a Post-it Note Counseling session, one child chose the following emotions to explain how she was feeling the day after disclosing (a safety plan had been put into place by protective services.) Interestingly, she talked about her comfortable feelings first before even being interested in looking at the list of uncomfortable feelings. Relieved... read more
by schoolcounselingbyheart | Aug 26, 2012 | abuse, children's literature, classroom lessons, individual counseling, personal safety
When thinking about perpetrators of child sexual abuse, many people picture an image of a creepy stranger. Parents and schools generally do a pretty good job of teaching their kids about “stranger danger.” But this is not where most of the danger lies. The vast majority of sexual abusers are known to the children they target, so it is incumbent upon us to teach kids not only how to respond when an uncomfortable or dangerous situation arises, but also how to recognize when danger is approaching. In a previous post in this series about sexual abuse prevention, I wrote about how Using Data to Teach About Sexual Abuse Prevention can help kids understand that most sexual abusers are people that the kids already know. In Teaching Kids How to Tell About Sexual Abuse I shared some scenarios that you can use to help kids gain awareness about “tricks” and that they need to tell a trusted adult about confusing situations, even if nothing bad has happened yet. This post will cover how to teach kids how to recognize grooming, the subtle, gradual, and escalating process that sexual abusers use to build “trust” with kids, and often also with their caretakers. (I always use written or gestured quotations around the word “trust” in this context to help kids understand the difference between real trust and fake trust.) We want our kids to be aware that they need to be careful with everyone, even people that they care about, but don’t want them to be so unduly frightened or anxious about the possibility of being hurt that they avoid developing trusting... read more
by schoolcounselingbyheart | Aug 24, 2012 | Uncategorized
When you’re about to enter a new phase of life, you usually have a little warning – you get married, start a new job, send your youngest child to school, celebrate a BIG birthday. But sometimes you get propelled into that new stage of life without even realizing what’s happening. Just imagine that what you thought was your desk chair was actually the business end of a catapult, and before you know it you’re flying through the air, past a moat, and over the ramparts of a castle you hadn’t really planned to visit until some fuzzily distant time in the future, where you land ungracefully, with a thud, on your butt. That pretty much describes today. This morning we had Kindergarten Open House, a very exciting affair for kids, parents, and school staff alike. The principal and I were greeting families in the school lobby and directing them to their classrooms. Out of nowhere, there she was – this student that I just adore. She’s such a sweetie, so cute, and heartwarmingly resilient – you know the type: the you-don’t-have-favorites-but-if-you-did-she’d-be-it-you-could-just-take-her-home kind of kid. She was coming to kindergarten, all right, but not to stay. BECAUSE SHE WAS THE MOM! I’m not talking teenaged mom, I’m talking regular mom-aged mom. That’s right, it’s official – I’m OLD! Because I worked at the high school in our district before I started at my elementary school, I’ve already had some experience with the second generation when the children of former high school students start school. (And it’s kind of fun to see the gangly teenager who refused to do his homework turned... read more
by schoolcounselingbyheart | Aug 11, 2012 | self care
I start back to school in one week. Wait, did I ever actually leave school this summer? I’ve got a ton of stuff to do to get ready, not to mention all the home things that are still on my summer to-do list, but I’m going to set all that aside, and do something I think will help me be even more ready – nothing. I am unplugging – no computer, iPad, phone, TV – for a week. Of course, it’s hard not to get a little unplugging anxiety, but I’m concentrating on what I know will be bliss – uninterrupted time with my family, a big pile of books, and the beauty of nature. Yesterday, an article called The Empathy Paradox: Mastering Empathy for Others Begins with Knowing Yourself landed in my inbox. Perfect timing! It’s a lovely, thought provoking essay about the importance – and benefits – of slowing down, reflecting, and quieting yourself. I hope you too can find a way to take some time for yourself, even if your school has already started. You deserve it! ♥ See you... read more
by schoolcounselingbyheart | Aug 11, 2012 | Uncategorized
No, this is not my principal and I with some of our students on the first day of school. But I have to admit, I’ve been having a few break-into-song-and-swish-down-the-hall-in-in-a-hoop-skirt fantasies ever since the other night, when I saw a production of The King and I. I had expected to be entertained and wowed by the opera company’s many talents, but what I didn’t expect was the flood of excitement about going back to school that overcame me. Okay, I’m a dork. A musical theater loving, school counseling dork. I embrace it. I got all kinds of choked up – no kidding, tears and everything – when Anna sang “Getting to Know You” to her new students, the children of the King of Siam. Getting to know you, getting to know all about you. Getting to like you, getting to hope you like me. Getting to know you, putting it my way, But nicely, You are precisely, My cup of tea. Getting to know you, Getting to feel free and easy When I am with you, Getting to know what to say Haven’t you noticed Suddenly I’m bright and breezy Because of all the beautiful and new Things I’m learning about you Day by day. It’s going to be all I can do not to break out in song on the first day of school! (“Getting to Know You” is already in continuous rotation in my head.) I haven’t quite figured out how to finagle the giant hoop skirt, but I’m thinking that it could take recess duty to a whole new level. And if I engineered things correctly,... read more
by schoolcounselingbyheart | Aug 9, 2012 | technology
I am incredibly lucky to live in a lovely, peaceful spot in Vermont, and really the only downside (other than Mud Season, which is exactly like it sounds) is the unreliable access we have to Internet and cell phone coverage. It works most of the time, but sometimes . . . Yesterday I had a 1:00 appointment to talk, via Skype, to Jeff from The Counseling Geek about how I use technology in my counseling program. At 12:56, – poof! – the Internet connection disappeared. Plan B – use my phone. Jeff Skyped in and I moved to the spot outside where we tend to get the best coverage . . . Suffice it to say that my cell coverage dropped to one bar, and technological difficulties ensued. Jeff managed the technology and I scurried around my house until I found the one little corner that had two bars, and we finished the interview. Jeff was a great model for how to manage frustration! And he helps others manage their frustration too, by sharing tech tips and clear explanations of how different tools can be used, in his blog, The Counseling Geek! Check it out – Jeff has definitely helped me feel more confident about using technology. Jeff the Counseling Geek successfully outmagic-ed the Curse of the Internet (problem solving on the fly = school counselor reality), and completed the video of the interview. Wait til you see his cool intro! There are a few wonky moments during the one-bar stretch – if you’ve ever wondered what I would look like if my face was melting off of my... read more
by schoolcounselingbyheart | Aug 6, 2012 | collegiality, empathy
Today I’m guest blogging over at The Corner on Character! Barbara, who writes this heart-felt blog shares wonderful ideas for character education and kind encouragement for all of us who work. The Corner on Character is a daily read for me. If you’re not already a follower, check it... read more
by schoolcounselingbyheart | Aug 5, 2012 | feelings, individual counseling
One of the most widely-read posts on School Counseling by Heart is Post-It Note Counseling, which outlines a technique that I use in individual counseling sessions to help kids who are reluctant to talk about how they are feeling. I use Post-It Note counseling all the time, to great effect. I think others must be using it too, because fairly frequently it pops up on my Pinterest page, so far removed from the original pin that I think it must have circumnavigated the globe before arriving back here! (Luckily, it still links back to School Counseling by Heart!). Since my last two posts, Teaching Kids to Tell About Sexual Abuse and Using Data to Teach About Sexual Abuse Prevention, are part of a series focused on a heavy, difficult subject, I thought it would be nice to take a little happier-topic break and update you about how my sessions with the student featured in Post-It Note Counseling progressed. Although she was initially too shut down to talk about her feelings, using the Post-It notes helped this student identify thirteen uncomfortable feelings. No wonder she was having such a hard time! In our following sessions, we pulled out her Post-It notes to check in and assess how things were going, and went through them one by one to come up with strategies she could use to address them. Eight weeks later, she was doing really well. Her family was very supportive and had gotten additional help for her. I asked her if she wanted to put her feelings on Post-It notes, and she grinned and nodded. Here’s how she was... read more
