by schoolcounselingbyheart | Apr 25, 2012 | brain, screen time
This is my busiest time of the year! (Which might help to explain the lapse in blogging.) Classes, groups, and individual counseling are full steam ahead; we are deeply into the application and interview process for hiring multiple new teachers; kindergarten screening and middle school transition are looming; lots of kids are really struggling; and next week is our Healthy Brain/Screen Time Turnoff Week. Ten years ago, our teachers began noticing some significant changes in kids’ ability to focus and persevere on their work. We were also noticing kids talking much more about spending their time on video games and watching TV instead of playing. Some kids didn’t seem to know how to engage in imaginative play unless they used a “script” from a cartoon or movie. Many were doing much less reading at home. Thus was born Healthy Brain/Screen Time Turnoff Week. The goal of Healthy Brain/Screen Time Turnoff Week is to build awareness among kids and parents about how too much screen time can negatively impact learning and health. In the month leading up to the big week, my co-counselor and I teach a neuroscience unit (no kidding!) in all classes. They learn about what the brain does (grades K-5), the structures of the brain (grades 1-5), how neural pathways are built and how neurotransmission works (grades 2-5), how addictions (to drugs, alcohol, and video games) develop (grades 4-5), the effect of drugs and alcohol on the brain (grade 5), and specific health and learning effects of too much screen time (grades 3-5). I think you’d be impressed to hear how much the kids know about neuroscience! ... read more
by schoolcounselingbyheart | Apr 8, 2012 | Aspergers, autism, children's literature, classroom lessons, social thinking
The kids at my school are generally pretty accepting and understanding about their classmates’ learning differences and disabilities. They offer to help when appropriate, and are good about including others. They know the names of all the kids with significant disabilities, greet them in the hall and their classrooms, and some even volunteer to work with them. We spend a lot of time talking about how everyone learns differently, that we all have things that make us different, and that none of us likes to be picked on or excluded. They are usually patient about disruptive behaviors, especially if the student’s disability is obvious and/or a paraprofessional works with the student. The difficulty comes when a not-so-obvious disability is combined with repetitive, disruptive or annoying behaviors that do not respond to peers’ spoken or non-verbal requests to stop. The kids with social thinking challenges might have diagnoses of Asperger’s, autism, PDD-NOS, non-verbal learning disability, or they might have no diagnosis at all. But you know who they are. I love working with kids with social thinking challenges! I enjoy getting the chance to see the world from perspectives different from my own and the challenge of figuring out how to help these kids be successful academically and socially. And where else are you going to get such unadulterated, gut-busting honesty? Must insert these stories right now: In a previous school (his mom told us this story), one boy’s exasperated teacher asked the class: “Why is no one listening to me???!!!!” He helpfully replied, “Because you’re boring.” I’m sure she didn’t appreciate his candor very much in the moment, but... read more
by schoolcounselingbyheart | Apr 7, 2012 | Uncategorized
My run of bad luck is continuing. I blame rodents. Somehow the brilliantly written (hah!) first paragraph of “The Mouse was the Least of It” was missing from the original post. It might have had something to do with the trauma reaction I experienced while searching mouse images. Or maybe I’m just a dope. Anyway, here it is again for those of you who have this automatically delivered by email. Now you too can be in the loop of what happened before the mouse poop incident. The poop loop! (Sorry, couldn’t help myself.) If you’re stumbling upon this while looking at the blog, you are not having deja vu — I fixed the original post. I hope this is my last rodent-related entry. So, probably, do you. It is unlikely to be the last poop-related entry, as those of you who have been in this school counseling racket for awhile can probably attest. Just saying. Yesterday was one of those days when I fantasize about working in a bookstore. At one point my principal and I looked at each other and simultaneously said, “I quit!” The past two weeks has been pretty intense (hence the dearth of blog posts), but culminated on this particular Friday with one kid choking another until he turned purple, confiscation of a toy gun and lighter, a bloody fat lip, a report of sexual abuse, and a live mouse in my trash can that I almost TOUCHED when I reached down to fix the collapsed garbage bag. And this was all BEFORE 9:30 in the morning! The rest of the day didn’t get much better.... read more
by schoolcounselingbyheart | Apr 7, 2012 | Uncategorized
Yesterday was one of those days when I fantasize about working in a bookstore. At one point my principal and I looked at each other and simultaneously said, “I quit!” The past two weeks has been pretty intense (hence the dearth of blog posts), but culminated on this particular Friday with one kid choking another until he turned purple, confiscation of a toy gun and lighter, a bloody fat lip, a report of sexual abuse, and a live mouse in my trash can that I almost TOUCHED when I reached down to fix the collapsed garbage bag. And this was all BEFORE 9:30 in the morning! The rest of the day didn’t get much better. I had to go into school today, a beautiful spring Saturday, to catch up on all the things I couldn’t get to yesterday and can’t do at home. Ugh! When I got there I found out the the mouse apparently has a retaliatory friend. (Either that or the same mouse came back — a soft-hearted colleague took my garbage can outside and set him free.) Whoever it was had POOPED ALL OVER MY DESK!!!! Double ugh! Many disinfectant squirts later, I opened my email, to find that a couple of fifth graders had sent me copies of their recent writings. I have no idea what the assignment was, but they completely cheered me up, because it’s clear that the work we’ve been doing in class councils and group have made an impact. I’m really working on a blog post about helping kids understand Aspergers (I promise to post it tomorrow), but just now I... read more
by schoolcounselingbyheart | Mar 27, 2012 | children's literature, classroom lessons, personal safety
What happens when you keep your hurt feelings bottled up inside? The hurt deepens and festers. It gets bigger. This is the premise of The Hurt by Teddy Doleski. When Justin gets called a name, he doesn’t tell his friend how he feels or tell his dad what happened. Instead he just sits with his hurt, which looks like a rock, feeding it with his worries and disappointments until it gets so big that it takes up his whole room. The hurt finally starts to shrink and eventually goes away when Justin talks to his dad about it. The Hurt is a great book to share with individuals, in small groups, and in the classroom. It provides a great visual illustration about how uncomfortable feelings can grow (and shrink) and exert an almost physical pressure when not addressed. It shows very clearly how talking about difficult feelings can help alleviate the discomfort they are causing. I use The Hurt at the beginning of my first grade unit on personal safety as a way to focus on and highlight the importance of telling, before we add in the more complex topics of safety, uncomfortable touch, and private parts. When we’re covering those topics, and talking about telling a trusted adult if something scary, unpleasant, or yucky happens, the kids, thanks to The Hurt, are able to explain (and show with their hands) how uncomfortable feelings will grow and grow unless they tell. The Hurt could also be used in second and third grade classrooms, and with older kids in smaller settings. I refer back to it with kids all the way... read more
by schoolcounselingbyheart | Mar 25, 2012 | death and grief
Before I became a school counselor, I did Hospice work, counseling patients and families, training and supervising volunteers, and running workshops for counselors and teachers. It has come in handy, to say the least: in the space of thirteen years, our school had four students, two non-school-age siblings, four parents, and three staff members die. Of course, life being what it is, we’ve also had staff whose spouses, friends, parents, and other family members died, and students who have lost grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles, and pets. I plan to write about our experiences with death and grief in a number of different posts, but am going to start with dealing with the death of a staff member. In a response to the great post “Counseling for Grief and Loss” on School Counseling Matters, Julie asked: “Any thoughts on the death of a teacher? I’ve worked with grief with students and families, but never with a faculty member. I’d like to be prepared in the event of such a tragedy. I read that, sighed, and thought, “Oh, boy.” I knew I had to respond. Carol was a beloved, no-nonsense, say-it-like-it-is paraprofessional who could get even the most recalcitrant student to do what they were supposed to. She worked half time with special education students and half time in kindergarten, so all the kids knew her. She was extremely fit, a very fast walker. She was excited because she had just learned that she was to be a grandmother for the first time. She was a fixture, who had been around forever. And then she wasn’t. In the following years,... read more
by schoolcounselingbyheart | Mar 18, 2012 | classroom lessons, conflict resolution, group counseling, individual counseling
Zax are terrible role models for how to solve conflicts! But their story, “The Zax,” by Dr. Seuss, is a great way to start a discussion about conflict resolution. The zax are two single-minded characters, one who wants to go north, and the other who wants to go south. When they meet face-to-face on the north-south path, neither one will budge. At all. Ever. End of story. I use “The Zax” to introduce my conflict resolution unit because it perfectly illustrates what happens when you don’t use conflict resolution strategies. (I use it in third grade, but it would work at many grade levels, as well as individual and group counseling sessions.) “The Zax” can be found in The Sneetches and Other Stories by Dr. Seuss.( I adapted this lesson from one in the wonderful, but apparently out of print book, Teaching Conflict Resolution Through Children’s Literature by William J. Kreidler.) This lesson takes 30 minutes. 1. If this is the first time you will be teaching these students about conflict: Begin by asking students to share what they think conflict means. Many will probably say “an argument” or “a fight.” Respond by saying, “Sometimes a conflict can cause ____________ (a fight/argument/etc.) Tell them that you and their teacher had a conflict recently (I usually tell them that I wanted to teach their class at one time but the teacher wanted me to do it at another time.) Ask if they think the two of you yelled, slammed the door, or showed any other “fighting” behavior. Then ask how they think you did solve it. If you have previously... read more
by schoolcounselingbyheart | Mar 13, 2012 | individual counseling, yoga
No, these are not my legs, although they’ve got a Zooey Deschanel-meets-Ms. Frizzle vibe that feels kind of appealing today. But this is what I did today with a young friend who was despairing. I was beginning to despair myself, because he was so hopeless. Things are tough in this guy’s life, and he knows it. He and his family have strengths, but he has great difficulty seeing them. I am terribly worried about him, but not sure that he will actually get the level of help and support that he needs. These are the hardest kinds of situations I deal with. My friend was talking about all the difficult things that are happening in his life. One story was sadder than the next. When I commented about how many uncomfortable feelings he was having, he said, “Not really. I mostly have comfortable feelings.” His non-verbal messages belied this but, hoping that maybe the clouds were going to part, I asked him if he wanted to talk about his comfortable feelings. He said yes, and we started looking at the comfortable feelings poster. Whew! He was actually going to identify some positives in his life! . . . But not so fast, Mrs. Lallier! Every comfortable feeling had an unhappy story to go along with it. He was unable to identify anything that helped him feel better. He was stuck in a cycle of hopelessness, and I was beginning to feel hopeless about my ability to help him be able to get through his day. I pay particular attention whenever I start feeling any uncomfortable emotions that a student... read more
