No, these are not my legs, although they’ve got a Zooey Deschanel-meets-Ms. Frizzle vibe that feels kind of appealing today. But this is what I did today with a young friend who was despairing. I was beginning to despair myself, because he was so hopeless. Things are tough in this guy’s life, and he knows it. He and his family have strengths, but he has great difficulty seeing them. I am terribly worried about him, but not sure that he will actually get the level of help and support that he needs. These are the hardest kinds of situations I deal with.

My friend was talking about all the difficult things that are happening in his life. One story was sadder than the next. When I commented about how many uncomfortable feelings he was having, he said, “Not really. I mostly have comfortable feelings.” His non-verbal messages belied this but, hoping that maybe the clouds were going to part, I asked him if he wanted to talk about his comfortable feelings. He said yes, and we started looking at the comfortable feelings poster. Whew! He was actually going to identify some positives in his life! . . . But not so fast, Mrs. Lallier! Every comfortable feeling had an unhappy story to go along with it. He was unable to identify anything that helped him feel better. He was stuck in a cycle of hopelessness, and I was beginning to feel hopeless about my ability to help him be able to get through his day. I pay particular attention whenever I start feeling any uncomfortable emotions that a student is exhibiting because that is an indication of how incredibly powerful they has become for the child.

Even if he couldn’t move his feelings, he could move his body. Early on in our conversation he had made a half-hearted indication that maybe-possibly-rarely music helped him feel better. I had thought that we would come up with something that he felt more strongly about, but that hadn’t happened, so back I tracked.  I asked him if he could help me with my CD player, and we got up and walked across the room. I started flipping through my CDs and asked him if he had ever heard dolphin music. He likes animals and has good background knowledge, and this interested him. Please, oh please, let this work!  (The CD we put on was Indigo Dreams Kids’ Relaxation Music. The link features info and music clips. It is also available for download from iTunes and Amazon.)

I told him that I have a way I like to listen to music, that it’s a little bit crazy, but fun to try. “Okay,” I said, “we have to lie on the floor and put our legs up the wall!” Sometimes surprise can help start to move kids from their stuck places. He agreed to try. I made kind of a big deal about how it was hard to actually get myself into the position (little white lie!) and he got into it quickly and offered me suggestions. I did not make this position up. It is a yoga pose, aptly named “legs up the wall,” taught to me my former counseling colleague, Beth, who is also a Yoga Kids teacher. It is considered a rejuvenating position, good for relaxation and focus, among other things. Here’s what it looks like:

Some kids like to be closer to the wall than others. Some like to use a pillow or towel for padding. These kids are also using eye pillows.

My friend actually preferred this position. Apparently this is also a great before-bed pose.

My friend had a little bit of trouble finding just the right leg position for him, but once he did and held still for a moment . . . his face relaxed and he broke out into a smile! I kid you not! We talked about . .  . stuff: the ceiling tiles . . . dolphins . . . our socks . . . whether, if the principal looked through the window in my door, he would think I was doing my job or taking a nap . . . how the heck we were going to get out of this position.  When we got up, he looked light and peaceful. He was still smiling. I was so happy to see that beautiful face! I told him how different he looked and we went over to the mirror so he could see. I asked him if he had helped himself to feel better and he nodded and smiled some more. He said he wanted to listen to the dolphin music and do legs up the wall again next time. Before he left my room, he went back to the mirror to look at himself again.

Of course, this did not solve all of his problems, but it helped a very hopeless kid see that he has the power to help himself feel better. I’m going to offer him the opportunity to come in first thing before class starts if he wants to have a few minutes of dolphins and legs up the wall,  or whatever other strategies we come up with.  I’m hoping that he will identify the position as something he can use at home. In our next regular session, I’m going to see how it works to have a more focused conversation while we have our legs up the wall. It probably won’t be a technique we use forever, but it worked today.

The hopelessness drove us up the wall, and when we came back down, there was hope. For both of us.