In the days after a student discloses abuse, I always touch base to see how things are going. I tell them (again) how brave they were and how proud of them I am. Unfortunately, not all of these stories have happy endings, but in many cases, telling helps kids find safety, and they feel protected, empowered, and proud of themselves. Some of the most profoundly moving moments of my career as a school counselor have come when kids have told me about how telling made such a difference in how they are feeling about their situations and about themselves. Here is some of what they have told me (and how I plan to use their words to help other kids too):
“I went from not feeling so brave to feeling REALLY brave!”
“It was a little hard telling people but I think it was definitely a good thing that I did that because it was for my safety.”
“Now I feel like I can stick up for myself.”
“It’s hard to show how excited I am – telling worked!”
“I’m so proud that I was so brave. It really helped because my dad was so proud of me and you are so proud of me.”
“I’m so proud I want to jump up and down!”
In a Post-it Note Counseling session, one child chose the following emotions to explain how she was feeling the day after disclosing (a safety plan had been put into place by protective services.) Interestingly, she talked about her comfortable feelings first before even being interested in looking at the list of uncomfortable feelings.
Relieved – because I actually got to be with my [protective parent]. I thought I’d have to stay at my [non-protective parent]’s and be around [abuser].
Brave – because of everything I had to do and say.
Glad – that I’m in a safer place.
Proud – I told people and I really am happy that I did what I did.
Happy – I actually got away from feeling very weird when I was there, like something would happen.
Excited – I get to see my [protective parent], [partner], and dog and cat more. I have them all the time if I need them.
Surprised – I actually got to go with my [protective parent]. I got safe so quickly!
Supported – people are there for me.
Stressed – that was a lot yesterday.
Torn – I won’t see my [non-protective parent] as much but I will get to see my [protective parent] more.
Guilty – I’m 50/50 on guilty because I won’t get to see [non-protective parent] as much, but it was the right thing for me to do.
It was a good sign that she felt in control even about the uncomfortable feelings! “Stressed” was about yesterday, and “torn” and “guilty” were balanced by a positive result. This kid was really resilient! And I think that the experience of taking an action that stopped the abuse – telling an adult that she trusted – helped her become even more so.
Using Kids’ Words to Help Other Kids Learn to Tell
When I teach sexual abuse prevention classroom lessons I always tell the students that when kids tell, they help themselves get safe and feel better. The books that I use send the same message, and I think the kids understand this. But this year when I teach my sexual abuse prevention lessons, I’m also going to incorporate what kids who have been there have to say. Students always sit up and listen a little harder when they know that what they are hearing actually happened in “real life.” I will do this as part of a lesson on telling. This lesson is appropriate for grades 3 and up. See below for how you can adapt this lesson or introduce the concept for younger children.
1. Prior to the lesson: Cut apart “I Told” notes and fold into quarters. The linked page has nine notes. Copy enough pages so that there is a note for each student. You may choose to create more notes if you wish (I might) but it would also be powerful to have the messages within the notes repeated. You can download a copy for yourself by clicking here.
2. Discuss ways that an abuser might try to trick kids into NOT telling. (See Teaching Kids to Recognize Grooming.)
3. Practice different ways to tell, verbally and non-verbally. (See Teaching Kids How to Tell About Sexual Abuse.)
4. Explain to students that you have some messages for them from real (but unidentified) kids who made the abuse stop by telling an adult that they trusted about it.
5. Distribute notes. Have students unfold and read their notes, one by one, without commenting in between.
6. Have students share their thoughts and feelings about the notes and the messages that they contained.
7. Ask students what they thought about this activity and if (and why) they recommend doing it with next year’s classes. I like to do this in order to get feedback, to assess my students’ learning, and even more importantly, because by answering the “why” question, the students are essentially teaching me and others about the topic. We all know how helpful teaching is to learning!
You can adapt this lesson (or introduce the concept) by using the coloring page below, from Very Important People, which was developed by McKenzie Roman of the YWCA of Kalamazoo to complement this lesson.
I hope you find this information and lesson plan helpful. I’d love to hear what you do to teach sexual abuse prevention and if (and how) you might use any of the ideas that I’ve shared in this series of posts about sexual abuse prevention. Thanks!
You might also be interested in . . .
A Collection of Sexual Abuse Prevention Resources
Coloring Book Helps Kids Learn About Sexual Abuse Prevention
Using Data to Teach Sexual Abuse Prevention
Teaching Kids How to Tell About Sexual Abuse
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